You were NOT a mistake!

 Spencer Allen Seymour was born May 2, 2021- just shy of 9 months after our Danny boy. Because of this, we have gotten a lot of questions and comments such as "Oh well that was definitely an accident", "What were you thinking?", "How are you ever going to do that?", "Your husband is a doctor, don't you know how it works?", and other similar things. 

First of all, it's none of your business. This is between Thomas, me, and the Lord. Secondly, yes of course we know how it works. And thirdly, I do not want Spencer to EVER think he was an accident, mistake, or unwanted. 

Yes, Danny became a big brother at 9 months. And yes, I am worried about being a good enough and strong enough mom to handle it well so when you ask what we were thinking or question how I am going to do it, it doesn't really help my confidence. Some support would be more appreciated. This was something we thought through and prayed about a lot. 

But since we've had so many questions, let me tell you about how our decision was made. While I was pregnant with Danny, I had a distinct impression that he was not going to be our last. I thought it was strange since we hadn't even had Danny yet so I kept it to myself. Once Danny was born, things were really hard for me. I cried a lot and struggled through his NICU stay as he had several ups and downs during those 10 weeks. Even though I was consumed with worry about Danny and struggling balancing time between the NICU and home, while I was sitting holding Danny one day, I felt that strong impression again and added to it that we needed to have our next one soon. Lydia, Evan, and Danny are all about 2 1/2 or more years apart so I figured maybe we should have another one in a year or so. I went home and told Thomas about my feelings, nervous he would think I was crazy. Surprisingly, he told me he had had the same exact impression and felt that we shouldn't wait. 

Now, when we had the thought that we shouldn't wait, we figured it'd be a while. Getting pregnant takes time, right? Apparently not for us. We knew we weren't supposed to wait, but we definitely didn't expect to get pregnant so soon after. But accident/mistake? No. 

When I started feeling nauseous, I figured it was a stomach bug or my gastroparesis acting up. I randomly took a pregnancy test just to see and when it came back positive, I kinda freaked. I took 3 more to make sure then I texted Thomas at work and said "hey let me know when you have a minute." Thomas was pretty shocked to get a pic of a positive pregnancy test while in the middle of rounds at the hospital. I was/am terrified of how I was going to handle it. But at the same time, in the back of my mind, I had this sense of peace that this was according to God's plan. 

                           

Fast forward 20 weeks. I started having the preeclampsia signs. My blood pressure was rising, headaches starting, etc. This was the earliest the symptoms have started and I was so scared of what that meant. I held out for as long as possible but despite medications and other interventions, my symptoms continued to worsen. At 27 weeks and 5 days, I felt terrible. I was in tears since the headache that had been going on constantly for a month was even worse and I just felt bad all over. I went to the hospital with a blood pressure of 185/109. While there, the team decided things had gone on too long and were worried delivery would be soon. Unfortunately, the hospital in Conroe only goes down to 28 weeks gestation, so I was transferred to the Texas Woman's hospital downtown. There, the NICU takes down to 22 weekers. 

       

While there, I kept hoping that I would be able to stay pregnant until at least 32 weeks. However, the symptoms kept getting worse. Sunday morning, I woke up at 2am and the thought "May 2nd isn't a bad birthday" popped into my head. I was like, wait. Where did that come from? I'm not ready yet! 

I said a prayer. I asked Heavenly Father to help me know if this was the right thing to do. During my hospital stay, I had been tempted several times to lie about my symptoms and say that they were gone or had diminished when in fact they were just getting worse. But I wanted to keep this baby in as long as possible. I would suffer through the symptoms if it meant keeping him in. I needed to know what to do. Should I lie? 

My answer came about an hour later when I woke up to contractions. I have never in my life had contractions. At first, I was confused. What was going on with my body? What was happening? Then the nurse came in and asked if I was feeling contractions because they were showing up on the monitor. The thought came into my head, "Spencer is ready to come into the world now. This is how he's showing you." 

Peace. That's the only thing I can say. I wasn't as terrified as I thought I would be. 28 weeks is the earliest of all my babies and being a boy puts him at a disadvantage since they seem to struggle more in the NICU. I should be freaking out. I should be taking everything back and saying the headache and vision changes were gone. But I didn't. I should be worried about how in the world we are going to make the commute to see Spencer all the way in downtown Houston while still making sure the other 3 are taken care of. But I felt good about him being at this hospital. They took 22 weekers! They will be pros with a 28 weeker.

Sweet Spencer was born at a whopping 3 pounds. He is here. We love him. He is part of our family. So no, he wasn't an accident. No, he wasn't a mistake. He is a special child of God and him joining our family this early and so close in age to Danny is part of the plan. Why is it part of the plan? I have no idea. I'm sure he will teach me many things and as always, our time in the NICU will be a sacred and trying time. I hope Spencer will always feel not only wanted, but needed in our family. We love you, Spence!