Catching up on all of our travels

I know I am REALLY behind on updating this so we are just going to go month by month and summarize what went on.

October

Thomas got a break from school between quarters and we got to go visit his parents that live in Vista, California. We went to Disneyland, the San Diego Zoo, and the beach while we were there. It was my first time to ever go to Disneyland and it was really cool!!! Thomas and I went on Splash Mountain and while in line I asked him if we were going to get very wet. He said we wouldn't really get wet. I asked him why so many people had rain coats and ponchos on and he just said they must not want to get wet at all, but that we would just get a little water on us. Well...I ended up in the front and let me tell you--he was NOT telling the whole truth. We got SOAKED! It dried quickly so it wasn't a big deal, but really, Thomas? The parade was really cool and Lydia loved the firewords! I hope to go back soon! Lydia loved the zoo and her favorite animal was the penguins! The beach was freezing cold but Lydia couldn't stop playing in the water. She was just having too much fun.

 She got this cat at Disneyland and loves to feed it her water. 

November
In November, we got to have Thanksgiving with my sister, Jill, in Utah. Lydia loved playing with her Aunt Jill(who spoils her) and her cousins. We even got to stop by the NICU Lydia was born at and see a bunch of her old nurses. It was really fun to be able to show her off and let them see how much progress she has made! She is doing so well!

 The lights in Layton

Lydia got to feed the goat in my sister's backyard every day. She is now obsessed with feeding animals and thinks every animal wants to eat leaves. 

Playing in the leaves at Helaman Halls! We went to the Cannon center to eat.. just like old times. Thomas and I were at Helaman halls at the same time but didn't know each other yet. Who knows how many times we crossed paths before meeting!!!

Outside the NICU, they have this bear that has a lot of the equipment they use on the babies. I think it's cool because little kids can see what their brother or sister may have on them. Anyway, Lydia saw it and immediately started working on getting that CPAP off.... just like she did with her own. multiple times. 

A very sacred place lied beyond these doors--the NICU. She kept trying to get in there like she knew where she lived for 3 months!

This is her with one of the nnps at the NICU. She loved seeing all her nurses and showing off how much she has grown and how little that sassy personality has changed!

Jack was so good with her

First time playing in snow! She called it sugar...

The day after Thanksgiving, we got to go to my niece and nephew's graves and decorate trees for them.It was very special. Lydia loved sitting between her cousins Asher and Ava. She loves them so much!

December

We went to Texas to see my family for Christmas and we got to go to the Seymour cabin for New Years!

My dad had a training in AZ so he got to come see us for a while and even got to go to the parade I was in!

She loves dumping out her drawers

Playing in the mud at grandma's

Cousins!

Coon hat

I convinced my mom to get a ball pit for the little girls to play in. They LOVED it. So did Thomas!

My grandmother broke her hip the first day on a Disney cruise. She got to stay the night with us after flying in from FL and before heading back to Vidor. Lydia loved seeing her great-grandmother!

Caroling in the matching outfits

Lydia loved playing with Uncle Stacey and the guinea pigs

Grandma reading to the girls

My best friend from back home is awesome! Her husband owns a gym and since it was the holidays, she let us go and play! Lydia had fun, but I think I had the most fun! :) I loved being back in a gym and messing around to see what skills I still have. Lydia really liked the beam and now she walks on curbs like they are beams--just like her momma! :)

The Seymour Cabin

We built a snowman at the cabin!

Lydia loves this Elmo hat. She doesn't like wearing though because she wants to see Elmo. 

Up by the cabin. I took a pretty picture!!!

Aunt Jenny

Lydia trying to sit on her car

Lydia got a tree to decorate while the older cousins were decorating gingerbread houses. She really just wanted to eat it. 

January
We didn't get any breaks in January, but we had fun anyway! Thomas and I celebrated our 26th birthdays and Lydia went to the dentist for the first time. She did very well. She has a pretty bad overbite, but at this point... who cares?

February
Thomas and I started an 8 week health challenge. You get points for doing things like eating 3 servings of vegetables, 2 serving of fruit, exercise, water, etc. It has been SO good for us. We have changed how we eat and I am finally losing the weight I have needed to lose for so long. I am pretty competitive so it has been good for me. My goal was to lose 8 pounds since the challenge is 8 weeks, I figured a lb a week was a good goal. By the end of week 3 and I had already lost 8 pounds! It has been good, but I wish the weight loss was more visible. I will definitely keep it up though. I have a LOT more to lose.

We were able to go to California to see Thomas' parents for Spring Break. We had a lot of fun going to the Wildlife park, the beach, and the children's museum. Lydia loved watching the giraffes stick out their tongues and she was in heaven with the petting zoo.

After we got back, we went to the Phoenix children's museum. It is a really neat museum! I was very impressed with how entertained Lydia was with everything. She liked painting, playing in the kitchen, and playing in the store the most.

I can't believe how quickly time has gone by. Lydia will be 2 in 2 months. It is hard to think about when she was born and how fragile she was. She has come such a long way and we are so thankful for how blessed we have been to have her in our lives.

Lydia is in a hat wearing phase right now. She is such a goof!

San Diego Wildlife Park!

The Beach!

We went on a walk and there was a swing on a tree at the end of one of the trails. It was cute to see Thomas' mom push him and Lydia in the swing! :)

San Diego children's museum

This is a random little boy that we don't know, but Lydia just felt like pushing someone. 

Liddy loves her cousins!

It was even fun for Thomas!

Totes presh adorbs

Phoenix Children's Museum

I love how happy Lydia is all the time. She makes us laugh. 

Lydia got spoiled by her aunt Jill with some dress up shoes. She is now obsessed. She wears them all the time. Any time I tell her to go get her shoes so we can go, she grabs a pair of these. She loves them so much! Thanks, Aunt Jill!

I absolutely adore this picture of Thomas and Lydia. He is such a good Daddy and he is going to be the best doctor. He is so patient, kind, and understanding. He has his priorities in order and this little girl is first. He was practicing a head to toe exam on me before his test and Lydia got jealous so he stopped the timer and listened to her tummy, too. She looks up to him and wants to be just liker her Daddy. I want her to be like him too! 

A Little More Personal

     If you didn't know me in grade school, you would probably be surprised to know that I was extremely shy to the point of not saying a single word at school. If you only knew me in grade school, you might be surprised to know that now I talk to people! It is still a struggle, but I talk to people! How did I make the transition? I'm not really sure. But here is a small part of my story:

     I don't know why I refused to talk at school. Was it because I didn't want to get in trouble? Was it because I didn't want people to get to know me and then reject me? Was it because I was afraid of being hurt? I think it may be a little of a lot of different reasons. But whatever it was, there I was. Silent.

     There were times teachers would take me aside and tell me I had to ask or answer a question or I would miss out on participation points and my grade would suffer. There were times when gymnastics coaches told my mom that if I didn't start talking, I couldn't practice anymore. There were times when the doctors would joke that they were testing my eyes and I was testing their hearing. There were times the others at school would make fun of me, talk about me when they knew I could hear them, or make a game with their friends out of trying to get me to say something.

      I wanted to talk. I wanted to be like the "normal" kids. I wanted to have friends. But I couldn't help it. Many times I was physically unable to get the words out. I'd try, but silence. If by some miracle I got the words out, they didn't sound like me. It was a total out of body experience. Like someone else was using my mouth to speak. The words felt distant. They were always extremely quiet. I hated not being able to talk normally. I hated me. I wished I could disappear just like my words had.

     I went away to college and that helped with my shyness a lot. It was a new start. No one knew me as the "weird shy girl". No one was waiting by to hear me say something so they could run to their friends and brag that they had heard "the mute" speak. Freshman year I went a little overboard being loud and crazy as I was trying to figure it all out. I have since mellowed out, but I still struggle every single day with talking to people. I hate ordering food, asking for help in a store, checking out, or any other situation where there is another human being and talking involved.

     I dread social situations. I am often stuck in my grade school mindset that no one really wants to hang out with me. I was invited a few weeks ago to meet up with some people somewhere. I got there early and the whole time I waited for others to show up, I just knew that they had invited me and were watching from somewhere else making fun of me and the fact that I had showed up--making fun of the fact that I would ever think we could be friends. Now, this wasn't true in the least, but my brain had convinced me of this by the time someone else finally showed up. I was then self conscious about every word I spoke, which is how it is most of the time.

     It is so hard to be at social functions. When I do hang out with other people, I have to prep emotionally beforehand and Thomas usually gives me pep talks to help me out. Then afterwards, I go word for word through the conversation trying to figure out what I should have said instead of what I did say or when I should have just shut up and listened. I am usually up all night regretting every single word I've said.

     There are a lot of times I just want to revert back to my non-talking self. Life would be so much easier to fade into the background again. So why don't I?  People sometimes ask the question "what is your biggest regret?" Being shy is my biggest regret. What would life be like if I had talked to people? Would I have more friends? Would I have gone further in gymnastics if I had actually talked to my teammates and coaches? Would I have been able to stand up for myself and prevent terrible things from happening to me? Would I have made a difference in someone's life? Would I be a better wife and mother?

     Thomas is the only person I have ever been able to talk to without reservation and without reviewing and critiquing each and every work I had said afterwards. Lydia has been a real help, too. She is very social and always wants to be with friends. This has been a big challenge for me and it is really hard. I am awkward. I stumble over my words, say silly things that don't relate to what the other person just said, I don't know when to leave or how to leave, I don't know when to talk and when to be quiet, and I just don't know what to say.


     I feel like I am learning now what everyone else learned in preschool--how to talk to people and make friends. It is not easy for me. It is overwhelming and it is a real struggle. I am trying, though. I am working on making eye contact. I am working on not just nodding "yes" and "no". I don't know if I will ever be comfortable in social situations, but I am trying.

     So why am I writing all this and sharing this with you? I have no idea.It's personal and embarrassing, but I felt strongly that I needed to share it. Maybe it is so I can do some healing of my own. Maybe it is so other shy people like me know they aren't alone. I'm not sure. Please just know I am trying. I am trying to be a good friend. I am trying to say the right things. I am trying not to hide like I've done my whole life.

Sleep training!!

I know I haven't updated in a really long time. I need to blog about going to Disneyland for the first time, visiting Utah for Thanksgiving and seeing NICU nurses, Christmas in Texas, and New Year's at the cabin, but I'll do that later. Right now I want to tell you about sleep training Lydia.

Lydia has had terrible sleeping habits. She never learned to put herself to sleep. We couldn't start a good bed routine with her from the beginning because we didn't have her for the first 3 months. When she finally came home, she was still on oxygen and when she would cry her oxygen levels would drop. We couldn't just leave her to cry because of that. Once she was off oxygen, remembering that her oxygen levels would drop when she would cry made it so we still didn't want her to cry. Plus, we didn't have her for 3 months! We just wanted to hold her!!!

 Anyway, we always rocked her to sleep and then put her in her crib. She slept through the night early on but then we started traveling for holidays. Her bad habits became worse. We traveled where it was cold so we felt bad leaving her alone. She ended up in our bed. She got to the point where she refused to sleep in her crib at all.

For naps, I held her.  For night time, I slept with half my body off the bed because this munchkin is a crazy sleeper. When I tried putting her in her crib she would pop right up and cry. Basically, all you need to know is she couldn't fall asleep without being rocked and when she was asleep, she couldn't stay in her crib.

I had had enough and decided it was time to sleep train. One of my favorite things about being a special ed teacher is behavior management so I figured I could come up with a plan for this. Thomas was on board and I stayed up all night Sunday researching things, praying about how to help her, and writing down a plan. We started Monday night.

The plan:
We made a schedule first. Kids thrive on routine. They crave it. We started the routine at 7:30 so we'd have her in bed by 8. We would take it slow so Thomas and I would sleep on the floor by her crib the first two nights so she would be reassured that we were there and not abandoning her, then we'd stay by the door til she fell asleep and slowly move away. We would ignore her and her crying. Every 5 minutes we would give her a kiss, lay her back down, give her a paci, and say " it's time to go to sleep! I love you!" Then ignore her again.

The schedule: bath, brush teeth, read books, bed. Gallon ziploc bag= poor person's lamination

Night 1

I was ready. We hung up the bed time schedule and talked about it all day. I kept saying things like " you are going to sleep all by yourself tonight! It's going to be so fun!!" We went through the routine. I was ready for lots of tears... From both of us. I put her in her crib and she cried. And cried and cried and cried. I had prepared myself for her to cry for about 2 hours before falling asleep but was pleasantly surprised when after 45 minutes it got quiet. She did it!!!! She fell asleep by herself in her crib! She woke up 3 times during the night but was only up for around 15 minutes before falling back asleep.

Getting excited for her schedule!

Thomas was studying in our room and after 30 minutes, he sent me this text. I have the best husband!

Nap time

We felt nap time should be the same as bed time. If she was still crying after an hour, I would just be done and she could skip the nap. We read some books and I was ready for crying. I put her in her crib and she laid down and went to sleep. WHAT?!?!?!? She napped in her crib. By herself. For an hour and a half. I didn't even know what to do with myself.

Night 2

I have choir practice on Tuesday nights. I was really nervous about Thomas doing the bed time routine by himself and having the guts to ignore his baby girl's crying. I got a text that she had gone down without a peep. I thought it was a joke. When I got home Thomas said that she had just laid down and went to sleep. Crazy weird!!! Lydia woke up twice in the night and stood up, cried for maybe a minute, and laid back down. She slept for 11 hours!!!!!

This journey is not over. I'm not expecting it to be perfect from her on out but I'm very proud of Lydia. It is amazing to have her in her own crib. I know some may not agree with our plan, but it's working for us!!

In Sickness and in Health

 

I have really debated writing this post. I don't really like sharing my trials with others but I felt strongly that I should post about what has been going on the past few weeks. I have been sick again and in the hospital twice. Through this trial I have learned a lot. I look at this blog as a family record so I feel that I should include this so we can look back and see all we have learned and I also feel that others can benefit from hearing what I've been through and hopefully learn without having to go through something similar. Through this trial I have learned (so far) humility, how to ask for help, how to stand up for myself, and the importance of listening to your own body

 

 

About two weeks ago I started throwing up again without being able to keep anything down. Thomas asked me how many times I thought I was throwing up and I didn't know so the next day I counted and it was 57. We went to an urgent care that would give IV fluids because I was really dehydrated, but they examined me and sent us to the ER. We went and waited and waited until I was finally seen. I was admitted to this hospital for 3 days. The doctor said I just had to try to keep something down and then I could go home. I tried some bread, threw it up, then got to go home!

 

Only a few days later, I was dehydrated again and the pain in my stomach was unbearable. We went to a different hospital where I was admitted again, this time for about a week. When I was admitted the nurse said they would not let me go until I could keep down solids. Somehow I got released and I still can't keep anything down! I really don't feel good. I feel weak, I'm tired of throwing up, my throat and stomach hurt, and I am extremely thirsty. I am so glad to be home though. I hate the hospital and all the doctors questioning me like I'm on trial.

 

 

I lost 12 pounds in 4 days and by the time I was released from the hospital the second time I had lost 19 pounds. I have lost 2 more pounds since yesterday. In the hospital, I was treated for low potassium, dehydration, and low blood sugar.

 

Anyway, now that you have a little bit of the background, here are the lessons I have learned:

 

1)Humility- It is impossible to not learn humility when you are forced to throw up into a blue emesis bag in front of a nurse so they can record how much you are throwing up and what it looks like. I pride myself in being strong emotionally and not crying, but I was in so much pain that the nurse came in to find me shaking and crying on more than one occasion. I learned that I am not perfect and can't expect myself to always be on top of my game.

 

2)Asking for help- I hate asking for help. Let me repeat that. I HATE asking for help. But alas, we had no choice. We couldn't take Lydia to the ER with us and risk her getting some crazy illness from people in the waiting room and while I was stuck in the hospital, we had to rely on people to watch Lydia for us so that Thomas could go to class. I felt terrible that people were having to watch her, but I am so grateful for our friends that sacrificed and watched our little one. It was nice to not worry about her safety and know that she was being well taken care of. I learned that even though it is hard to ask for help, there are people there for me that will gladly offer their services when I am in need.

 

3) How to stand up for myself- In the past when I have been sick, Thomas has always been there. This time I was alone in the hospital for the majority of the time since he was either watching Lydia, in class, or studying. I am used to him standing up for me when the doctors or nurses say something that offends me or him hitting the call button or going to get a nurse when I need something. This time I had to stand up for myself and hit the call button when I needed something (and I HATE asking for help, even from a nurse). I had to correct the doctors when they would say something off hand that hurt my feelings. I had to tell the doctors and nurses how I was really feeling instead of saying I was ok. I learned that I can be strong even when I feel weak. I can tell people how I really feel and I can stand up for myself.

 

4)Listen to your body- The ER doctor was not very sympathetic at the second hospital. When I told him I had lost 12 pounds in 4 days he said, "oh that's just water weight. It's not a big deal." When I said that I hadn't been able to keep anything down for over a week he said, " I have cancer patients in here all the time that go months without being able to eat. You'll be ok." Yes, I know I do not have it as bad as I could. Yes, I know that I won't die without help. But I knew I needed to be admitted again and at least get IV fluids to rehydrate myself. I ended up worsening over the next few days and the doctors were going to put a feeding tube in. They actually did end up putting one in, but didn't get it in the right place so they took it out and said they would put it back in the next day. The next day I was released though (still a little confused about that, but SO glad to be home I don't really care). I am very grateful I listened to my body and told the ER doctor I needed to be admitted. I learned that I know my body better than anyone else does. I have a TON of respect for doctors (even more so now that I see how hard Thomas is studying), but I also know that they don't know my body as well as I do.

 

 

I am really grateful for all the friends that stepped in and helped with Lydia. I am grateful for both my mother-in-law and mom coming in to take care of Lydia. I am grateful for nurses and doctors that worked to try to help me. I am grateful for Thomas for taking care of me. I am grateful that I have been able to learn these lessons. Most of all, I am SOOOO grateful to be home and to be able to play with Lydia again. 

 

 

 

This is Lydia playing with me during the first hospital stay. She was a little afraid of me at first, but warmed up when she got to play with the hospital socks. 

Ponderings

I have been thinking a lot lately. I have had really bad insomnia for a few weeks,so I am left to lay away and allow my brain to run rampant. I really feel that I need to share these thoughts. I don't know why because they are not particularly profound or inspiring, but I will do so anyway!

One night as I lay awake, it really hit my that my nephew is 12 years old. He now has the priesthood. What a huge responsibility for a 12 year old! I thought back to the day he was born. I remember it so well. I was only 13 at the time, and could not imagine loving someone more than I loved this little boy. I was obsessed. I continued to be obsessed with my nephews and nieces. I was so good at playing with them on their level because I really wasn't that much older than them. I remember trying to come up with fun things to do before they came over so that I would be prepared. I am still obsessed with my nieces and nephews and pray for their happiness and success every night. As I was thinking about this, I realized how much I love my daughter. Words cannot do justice to the feelings I have towards her. She is such an angel. I am obssessed with her, but am I really doing enough for her? I don't prepare for the next day and think about what fun things I could do with her like I did my nieces and nephews. I don't play with her on her level as much as I did with my nieces and nephews. This is my daughter! I need to put down the phone, turn off the TV, and just play and have fun. It takes sooo much energy, but I already feel like I am missing out on valuable teaching moments.

I get really ambitious at night. I don't know what it is about that time of day, but I always think of really cool things I want to learn or do, but when I wake up the next morning, reality hits. Some of the things I have been ambitious about are pretty funny. One night, while listening to classical music, I decided I should learn to play the violin. Another night I decided I wanted to join a community choir because I really miss being in choir. I have also considered inviting a bunch of kids over for a circle time where we can sing songs and read books together. My mother-in-law once told me I should write a book about my experience as a teacher of students with special needs,particularly behavior disorders. One night I thought, "why not!?" and started writing down what chapters I could do and which experiences I would want to include. Crazy, right? I really don't know why I get so ambitious at night. It makes me feel so lame the next morning when I realize I will probably never do the things my brain thought it could do the night before. I often wonder if I was more daring and outgoing if I would actually do some of these things.

Throughout my school years, I was exteremely shy. I didn't talk at school and when I did, my heart pounded, my whole body sweat (gross, I know), and it didn't feel like I was the one speaking. It felt like an out of body experience each time my lips parted. It was terrifying. I avoided social situations at all costs. I am still trying to overcome this extreme shyness. This week I wrote a text to someone 4 times inviting them and their kid to come over and play and then deleted it each time before sending it. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I know it's something I really need to work on for Lydia's sake. I don't want her growing up with a fraidy cat mom with no friends. It's hard though. Every word that comes out of my mouth just sounds stupid. Then after I talk to anyone(Thomas excluded), I replay everything I said in my head and what I should have said different and how I shouldn't have talked so much, etc. Then I am nervous to see that person and at times go as far as to avoid them. It's a nightmare. We all have our weaknesses though!

Thomas is gone a lot. He studies A LOT. It is really paying off and I am so proud of him. One day that was particularly rough, I thought to myself "being a single mom stinks!" Immediately after I had to stop myself and got a little angry with myself for ever comparing myself to a single parent. I am not even close. I am not solely responsible for the well-being of my family. I do not have to pay all the bills, work all day, and then still come home to my kids. I don't have to put my kids sleep and then go to an empty bed. I still have my husband. I have my biggest support. He is always there. I have him by my side every night. I have someone I can share my frustrations with. I have someone I can bounce ideas off of and someone who understands me. I have a husband who takes time to listen to all of my concerns and offer advice and comfort. I am not a single parent. It may be difficult to be alone during the day at times, but it could be much harder. I am so grateful for my husband!

Lydia update--the part you really care about

Lydia is amazing. She is walking all over the place. She says over 30 words now! I had to wake her up this morning from a nap so we could get in the car and go to church and when I got her up she kept saying "oh no! oh no! oh no!" She was not very happy about having to get up. She loves playing with other kids and is very friendly. We went to a scenic view where you could walk down a path. We took lunch up there and sat on a bench to eat. While we were sitting there, Lydia was walking around, waving to everyone, and saying "hi!". If anyone said hi back to her, she would start to follow behind them. It is a little concerning that she will just go with anyone, but it was pretty cute.

She laughs at basically everything and loves reading books. Lydia is hilarious and cracks us up. Liddy is also the sweetest little girl. There was one day when everything just hit me all at once and I started crying. She stopped playing with her toys and came over, climbed up onto my lap, and gave me a big kiss then just sat there. It was precious. She does the most ridiculous things and has such a personality. I was telling Thomas the other day that when I think back to when she was born, she has grown so much physically and she is hitting so many more milestones that it seems like she is a different person, but her huge personality is the same as it has always been from day 1. She has always been a happy, feisty little girl. We have been so blessed by her presence in our family.

She loves her block box!

When daddy forgets to say bye...

Thomas did all these with his feet. The rest of the day, she was trying to do it with her feet too.

Liddy's first ponytail!

I think she has seen me do this once. She just got in the shower, grapped the squeegee(sp?) and started using it how it is supposed to be used. WHAT?!?

Lookin' fly

Believe it or not, this is peek-a-boo. She used to cover her ears. We have moved her hands in, so now we just got to get them up a little.

I was trying to make a zoo, but Lydia kept knocking it down! :(

This is the scenic route we took to Flagstaff to go to the fair. This is in Sedona.

Lydia loved the cows and wanted to touch them.

It rained and got cold in Flagstaff. I didn't know it was possible to be cold in Arizona. Luckily, we brought her jacket that she will probably only wear this one time!

Wiped out from the fair

Her hair is growing!

Almost every time I leave Thomas to dress Lydia, he puts her in these overalls. My little hick.