Respiratory: Lydia got down to 2.0 liters per minute on the high flow. She is pretty stuffy from the virus though, so they moved her back up to 4.0 liters per minute. Her brady cardias are getting less frequent which is awesome!
Milestones: Lydia had her appointment with the OT this week to help us teach Lydia how to suck. She did a good job and is getting better and better at sucking. She is weaning off the prolacta which is the stuff they add to my milk to giver her extra calories.
Thoughts: Life in the NICU is exhausting. There are times I can't wake up to go see Lydia. It makes me feel really guilty on those days. I can't stand how guilty I feel, but I know I have to take care of myself. I have also never been so paranoid about getting sick in my life. I can't afford to get sick because I HAVE to be with my baby. I have gotten to be really sensitive about other people's posts and comments about children. When they complain about their kids being messy or not sleeping through the night or them not having their own life anymore because their kids are complaining and taking up their time. I would give anything for that. Anything to have my baby healthy and at home. Breathing on her own. Able to eat on her own. I would give anything. Be grateful for your children. Be grateful you can hold them whenever you want. Be grateful they are home with you. Be grateful you have the blessing of seeing them whenever you want. Some days are harder than others. There are times when I feel so guilty about having high blood pressure and making my baby go through this. When I see other people with their babies walking down the road or in the store I feel a pang of jealousy. It makes me angry that I get so jealous about it. I don't feel whole when I am not with Lydia. It is like a piece of me is missing. This isn't how it was supposed to go. She should be with us. She should be at home.
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