It also makes me mad that sometimes the family of healthy babies wait in the NICU waiting room. They are all so happy and have a healthy baby that is big and breathing and just fine. It doesn't seem fair and it makes me sad that my baby has such a long time left here.
I have nightmares every night about Lydia. My nightmares are about getting a call from the hospital that no parent wants. It is terrifying and I am not sleeping as well because of it. I think about her every second of every day. Every time I close my eyes I see her. She is so stinkin' cute and I love her so much. It is hard to not be able to hold her whenever I want. I can't wait until she wakes me up in the middle of the night screaming, until she spits up all over me while I'm feeding her. People always talk about how much work babies are and how hard it is to take care of. I think it's harder to have a baby but not be able to take care of her. I want my baby.
On a different note, this week we noticed a baby on a ventilator. The first time I saw her, I thought to myself, "so glad we aren't still on the ventilator". Four days later, that baby was still on the ventilator. It was late at night and there were about 10 family members surrounding the baby's bed. You are only allowed 2 visitors at the bedside at a time, so this was a big cue something wasn't right. Then the dad was holding the baby and they were taking lots of pictures. You can't hold babies that are on ventilators, so this was another big sign. The next day there was a sign by the door that said we couldn't walk that way, but we still heard the ventilator going. I don't know what was going on with that girl, but I knew it wasn't good. Today when we got to the hospital, the bed space where she was was empty. I held Lydia a little tighter today. We have been so blessed to have our baby doing so well.
Look at her cute dimples!!!
Looking so innocent and peaceful
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