Breathing: Lydia was moved back up to 4.0 liters per minute on the high flow because of the cold. She is back down to 2.0 liters per minute and stay around 23-24% oxygen. She went down to room air which is 21% for about 2 minutes.
Milestones: Lydia is semi-nutritive breastfeeding now...sometimes and she got a new cousin!
Changes: Lydia is slowly getting over her cold. She was put on liquid protein and iron as well as a different milk formula. All three of these things cause constipation. She didn't poop for 31 hours so they gave her a suppository. After that she went, but now she has gotten 2 more suppositories and still hasn't pooped. She is pretty uncomfortable ,as anyone would be, and is workin' hard to try to get it out.
Thoughts: This week has been especially hard for me. Like Thomas said, "It's like getting a Christmas present and not having batteries for it." It is really hard to have Lydia in the hospital for so long. I know it seems like it is going by fast for a lot of people, but it isn't for me. It's hard. Every hormone in my body is telling me that I should have a baby in my arms, that I should be waking up to a baby's cry to feed her, that I should be a mother. Instead I am fat and have no cute baby in my arms to show for it, I wake up to alarms to pump, and I don't feel like a real mom. I look at pictures of my baby more than I see her in person. She should be surrounded by loving family, but instead she is all alone in an isolation room all day. She has nurses that sometimes call her "naughty" because she isn't breathing well. Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful that she is doing well and that she will eventually get well enough to come home. I am grateful she is alive. I am grateful for the doctors and nurses taking care of her. But that doesn't mean it isn't hard. I want her home. I want to hold her all day long instead of a nurse telling me I have to put her back in bed. I can't wait for these next 5 weeks to be over. It seems like forever to me.
On a different note, I know Heavenly Father is aware of our situation. He is looking out for us. I am grateful for all the people that have heeded to promptings from him. There have been days when we are worn out and not sure what we are going to eat. We go to the hospital in the morning from 10:30 til about 12:30 and at night from 4:30 til about 9. Going back and forth to the hospital is a lot of gas. I'm also so exhausted from going, pumping, coming home, pumping, going back, pumping, and on and on that we haven't been to the store in a while. There have been a couple of nights when I don't know what we even have to eat and we can't just eat out every night, but almost every one of those nights someone has texted and asked if they could bring us dinner. We are so grateful for that. It means more than I can express.
We will get through this hardship and we will both be better for it. There is peace in knowing that we are not alone in this. I just want my baby.
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