We LOVE Texas!
BYU fan!
3 month old birthday cupcakes!
Jill enjoying the baby girls
"Oooo! Pretty colors!"
Super baby!
Daddy loves "wearing" Lydia
Fist bumping Mommy
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Friday, September 5, 2014
6 weeks adjusted age!
Lydia has been home from the NICU for 6 weeks now! It is hard to believe. She is doing great! So great that I haven't updated this thing because I can't keep my arms and eyes off this cute baby! She came home on July 25th, which is her due date.
Oxygen needs: Lydia came home from the NICU on oxygen. After her first appointment in Texas, she was on oxygen only at night. After her second appointment, she was only on the monitor at night for a week and now she is off everything!
Weight: At her last appointment which was about 2 weeks ago, she was 7 1/2 pounds.
Feeding: Lydia switched from the 30 cal intense formula to neosure at her last appointment. She likes the neosure a lot better and seems to be doing well on it. She takes about 2-3 ounces every time she eats which is 2 1/2-3 hours. If it my night to feed her she gets up every 2 1/2 hours. If it is Thomas' night, she sleeps for about 4 hours. She is a stinker....
Milestones: Lydia rolled from her belly to back when she was 2 weeks old adjusted age. She has rolled from her back to her belly a few times, but it is not super consistent. She laughs in her sleep every night. She smiles and likes to make noise. She has started scooting off her blanket when we put her down. She is getting better and better at holding her head up on her own.
It is also hard when it comes to feeding time. Lydia is not a perfect eater yet. She drinks from a bottle, but still has reflux. She spits up a lot. the other day she projectile vomited 2 ounces of milk. It was pretty cool looking, but it was sad. I don't like to see her suffer like that. I know what it is like to throw up all the time and it isn't fun. I feel so bad for her and wish I could take it all away. She sometimes chokes which is probably one of the most terrifying things in the world.
We can't just let her cry things out very often because when she gets mad enough, crying makes it hard for her to breathe. This freaks me out because I still don't totally trust that she can breathe well on her own anyway. When she holds her breath I get ready to run get the oxygen if needs be. We have only had to put the oxygen on once when she was having a hard time breathing. It is still scary though.
I love my baby. I didn't know this much love was possible. She is my everything. We are so blessed to have her at home and healthy. She is doing so well and is progressing just like she should, even though I have a hard time remembering she should hit milestones by her adjusted age, not her real age. It is hard having a NICU, but such a huge blessing- just like all the best things in life.
Oxygen needs: Lydia came home from the NICU on oxygen. After her first appointment in Texas, she was on oxygen only at night. After her second appointment, she was only on the monitor at night for a week and now she is off everything!
Weight: At her last appointment which was about 2 weeks ago, she was 7 1/2 pounds.
Feeding: Lydia switched from the 30 cal intense formula to neosure at her last appointment. She likes the neosure a lot better and seems to be doing well on it. She takes about 2-3 ounces every time she eats which is 2 1/2-3 hours. If it my night to feed her she gets up every 2 1/2 hours. If it is Thomas' night, she sleeps for about 4 hours. She is a stinker....
Milestones: Lydia rolled from her belly to back when she was 2 weeks old adjusted age. She has rolled from her back to her belly a few times, but it is not super consistent. She laughs in her sleep every night. She smiles and likes to make noise. She has started scooting off her blanket when we put her down. She is getting better and better at holding her head up on her own.
The Drive
We drove from Utah to Texas a few days after Lydia was released from the hospital. This is a 24 hour drive. We took 3 days getting there. I hated it. I whined and cried and wished we were there already. It took way too long because we were hauling a trailer on the back of our tiny car. Basically all the diesels were passing us up the whole way- embarrassing. We then had car trouble in New Mexico when the muffler dragged on the ground and came off. Lydia, however was an absolute angel. She just chilled out in her carseat and was happy as could be. One of the first times I saw her in the NICU she had her foot propped up on the bumper. I thought it was so cute. She continues to like her foot propped up and she propped it up on her carseat for most of the drive.
Finally Home in Texas!
When we got to Texas, my sister, Cami and her two kids were waiting for us... well for Lydia anyway. The kids were so excited to meet their new cousin! Lanie was obsessed with her. She just say and stared at her while she was in her swing. She also read her stories and talked to her. James read her stories too. It was so fun to see the cousins play! Jill and her boys came to visit after we got there as well. They loved snuggling with her and holding her. They also loved their other cousin, Ellie who was born 5 weeks after Lydia (even though Lydia was due 6 weeks after Ellie). It was fun to be around all the family. We took Lydia to the alligator park because it was outside and we just pushed her in her stroller. We saw about 20 alligators and one was even growling. She did great and we had fun being able to take her somewhere! We were extremely careful and made all the kids put on hand sanitizer. They had to shower before they could hold Lydia. The adults had to wash their hands and put a blanket over them before they could hold her. I am SOOO happy she didn't get sick from having all those kids around, but she did great!
Life with a NICU grad
Having Lydia home is seriously the best thing in the world. She is precious and adorable. It is not easy though. I know it is not easy even when it is a full term baby, and I can't really say it is harder, but it feels like it is. Lydia is not allowed to go anywhere because she is so susceptible to getting sick. Her risk is even higher because of how long she had to be on oxygen. This means Thomas and I switch off who gets to go to church each week. It is hard. It is hard to see all the other moms with their kids and its hard to sit there for 3 hours and not have my baby in my arms. It is hard on my week home with Lydia to not be able to go and hear the talks and lessons. It's just hard. But when I am at church I hear all the kids coughing and see all the snot it makes me really glad she isn't coming... kids are nasty.
If we go anywhere, we have to come home and change before we can hold our precious baby. That is also hard. I don't really go anywhere or do anything because I don't want to be exposed to the sicknesses going around either. I hate being out in public and hearing someone cough. I have never been so paranoid in my life of germs. If Lydia gets sick, she will most likely end up in the hospital. The first winter is the most critical, so we have to be super careful with her. Every time Lydia coughs or sounds stuffy, I start getting paranoid. It is also hard when it comes to feeding time. Lydia is not a perfect eater yet. She drinks from a bottle, but still has reflux. She spits up a lot. the other day she projectile vomited 2 ounces of milk. It was pretty cool looking, but it was sad. I don't like to see her suffer like that. I know what it is like to throw up all the time and it isn't fun. I feel so bad for her and wish I could take it all away. She sometimes chokes which is probably one of the most terrifying things in the world.
We can't just let her cry things out very often because when she gets mad enough, crying makes it hard for her to breathe. This freaks me out because I still don't totally trust that she can breathe well on her own anyway. When she holds her breath I get ready to run get the oxygen if needs be. We have only had to put the oxygen on once when she was having a hard time breathing. It is still scary though.
I love my baby. I didn't know this much love was possible. She is my everything. We are so blessed to have her at home and healthy. She is doing so well and is progressing just like she should, even though I have a hard time remembering she should hit milestones by her adjusted age, not her real age. It is hard having a NICU, but such a huge blessing- just like all the best things in life.
All the pictures on this post are from my phone. Thomas has a bunch more SUPER cute ones on his phone. They will be uploaded to a not too distant post. Jill, I updated it-you are welcome.
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Week 10
Weight: around 5 lbs 14 oz
Breathing: 1/2 liter per minute and stayed at 21% for 4 days. Lydia goes up to 1 liter per minute and 30% for feeds
Milestones: Mommy made it 5 days all alone! Lydia moved to cue based feeding which means she is able to take all feeds by mouth if she wakes up on her own and shows she is ready and wants it. She takes as much as she wants, then the rest goes through her feeding tube. She is getting better at eating.
Thoughts: Remember a few weeks ago when I said I thought Lydia would take 4 more weeks even though everyone was telling me otherwise? I was right. I hate that I was right, but I was. Lydia's due date is next Friday. That is when they originally thought she would be out. Now they are telling us it will be 2-3 more weeks. I kind of wish they would tell me one more week then next week tell me one more week. It is easier to take it one week at a time. 2-3 more weeks seems impossible. I know we will make it because we have to, but it just really stinks.
When the nurse practitioner told me it would be 2-3 more weeks, I had to leave the hospital. Thomas was still out of town and I couldn't handle the news. We have done our time. I just want my baby at home with me and Thomas. I was getting excited to head to Texas but now it seems like everything is falling apart. I want to believe things will work out, but its getting harder to believe that.
Lydia is getting cuter and cuter every day. We are very blessed to have her in our lives. When I tell some people that I want her home right now they tell me that I need to wait until she is healthy because she needs to be healthy before she comes home. I'm not a terrible mother, I know she needs to be healthy before she comes home. I don't want her home right now as an unhealthy child. I want her healthy and home right now. I still don't even feel like I can call myself her mom. I still look at pictures and videos of her more than I actually see her and hold her. It's kind of pathetic. I barely get to do anything for her. I can change her foot probe, change her diaper, and take her temperature. I guess I feed her too, but it doesn't feel like enough. I'm not a real mom yet.
I'm getting more jealous/angry when I see others with their babies. I know being a new mom is hard for everyone, but I would much rather have a break down with a baby in my arms than have these breakdowns with empty arms, an empty crib, and an empty car seat. It just doesn't seem fair. Am I not a good enough person to be able to have my child yet? Did I do something wrong? Why am I not allowed to have my baby and all these other people can have theirs?
Breathing: 1/2 liter per minute and stayed at 21% for 4 days. Lydia goes up to 1 liter per minute and 30% for feeds
Milestones: Mommy made it 5 days all alone! Lydia moved to cue based feeding which means she is able to take all feeds by mouth if she wakes up on her own and shows she is ready and wants it. She takes as much as she wants, then the rest goes through her feeding tube. She is getting better at eating.
Thoughts: Remember a few weeks ago when I said I thought Lydia would take 4 more weeks even though everyone was telling me otherwise? I was right. I hate that I was right, but I was. Lydia's due date is next Friday. That is when they originally thought she would be out. Now they are telling us it will be 2-3 more weeks. I kind of wish they would tell me one more week then next week tell me one more week. It is easier to take it one week at a time. 2-3 more weeks seems impossible. I know we will make it because we have to, but it just really stinks.
When the nurse practitioner told me it would be 2-3 more weeks, I had to leave the hospital. Thomas was still out of town and I couldn't handle the news. We have done our time. I just want my baby at home with me and Thomas. I was getting excited to head to Texas but now it seems like everything is falling apart. I want to believe things will work out, but its getting harder to believe that.
Lydia is getting cuter and cuter every day. We are very blessed to have her in our lives. When I tell some people that I want her home right now they tell me that I need to wait until she is healthy because she needs to be healthy before she comes home. I'm not a terrible mother, I know she needs to be healthy before she comes home. I don't want her home right now as an unhealthy child. I want her healthy and home right now. I still don't even feel like I can call myself her mom. I still look at pictures and videos of her more than I actually see her and hold her. It's kind of pathetic. I barely get to do anything for her. I can change her foot probe, change her diaper, and take her temperature. I guess I feed her too, but it doesn't feel like enough. I'm not a real mom yet.
I'm getting more jealous/angry when I see others with their babies. I know being a new mom is hard for everyone, but I would much rather have a break down with a baby in my arms than have these breakdowns with empty arms, an empty crib, and an empty car seat. It just doesn't seem fair. Am I not a good enough person to be able to have my child yet? Did I do something wrong? Why am I not allowed to have my baby and all these other people can have theirs?
Friday, July 11, 2014
Miss Lydia is 9 weeks old!
Weight: 5 lbs 11 oz
Breathing: still on the nasal cannula at .5 a liter. We go up to 1 liter per minute with feeds. She is usually anywhere from 23%-30% oxygen.
Milestones: Liddy went 4 hours with no oxygen, she took 2 feedings completely by mouth, had her 2 month birthday!
Thoughts: Lydia is doing pretty well. She is stable which is what is important. The doctors are hopeful that she will get out by her due date which is in two weeks, but I'm not. I think we will be there about 4 more weeks. It seems like Lydia is going backwards. She was getting around 30 mls from me, but now she only gets around 8. Her breathing was better and she was down at 22-24% most of the time, but now she requires more. It is getting frustrating and I'm getting discouraged.
We had family home evening at the hospital with Lydia on Monday. It was really nice. Her little room feels so sacred. I have said so many prayers there and I know she is being watched over by angels at her bedside. I am so blessed in so many ways. I am so glad Thomas and I are both not going to school or working. We can spend all our time going to see our baby girl.
We started packing up some of our stuff this week. Some amazing people in the ward threw me a baby shower and my awesome siblings chipped in to get me a carseat. All of these things made it seem so much more real that some day I WILL have my baby at home. It is a little sad seeing our empty carseat every day, but I am glad we have it.
Heavenly Father is aware of me and my feelings, even if they are ridiculous. Sunday morning was a rough morning for me. I was really missing Lydia, none of my skirts would fit, and I just knew it was going to be a bad day. We went to church and there was a baby blessing... I go so jealous and depressed all at the same time. I didn't think I would make it through all of Sacrament meeting, but I did. Then when we went to the hospital, Lydia was off oxygen! It was just the boost I needed that day. It wasn't expected at all and it didn't last long, but I needed to see some sort of progress from her. It is hard because at first the weeks went by pretty fast and she was hitting huge milestones every week. Now the weeks drag on and it is harder to see any progress. She is just kind of plateauing. I feel like we are on the Lord's timing- when one day is equivalent to years.
I know I'm an emotional wreck a lot, but I just really love Lydia and I want her home with us.
Breathing: still on the nasal cannula at .5 a liter. We go up to 1 liter per minute with feeds. She is usually anywhere from 23%-30% oxygen.
Milestones: Liddy went 4 hours with no oxygen, she took 2 feedings completely by mouth, had her 2 month birthday!
Thoughts: Lydia is doing pretty well. She is stable which is what is important. The doctors are hopeful that she will get out by her due date which is in two weeks, but I'm not. I think we will be there about 4 more weeks. It seems like Lydia is going backwards. She was getting around 30 mls from me, but now she only gets around 8. Her breathing was better and she was down at 22-24% most of the time, but now she requires more. It is getting frustrating and I'm getting discouraged.
We had family home evening at the hospital with Lydia on Monday. It was really nice. Her little room feels so sacred. I have said so many prayers there and I know she is being watched over by angels at her bedside. I am so blessed in so many ways. I am so glad Thomas and I are both not going to school or working. We can spend all our time going to see our baby girl.
We started packing up some of our stuff this week. Some amazing people in the ward threw me a baby shower and my awesome siblings chipped in to get me a carseat. All of these things made it seem so much more real that some day I WILL have my baby at home. It is a little sad seeing our empty carseat every day, but I am glad we have it.
Heavenly Father is aware of me and my feelings, even if they are ridiculous. Sunday morning was a rough morning for me. I was really missing Lydia, none of my skirts would fit, and I just knew it was going to be a bad day. We went to church and there was a baby blessing... I go so jealous and depressed all at the same time. I didn't think I would make it through all of Sacrament meeting, but I did. Then when we went to the hospital, Lydia was off oxygen! It was just the boost I needed that day. It wasn't expected at all and it didn't last long, but I needed to see some sort of progress from her. It is hard because at first the weeks went by pretty fast and she was hitting huge milestones every week. Now the weeks drag on and it is harder to see any progress. She is just kind of plateauing. I feel like we are on the Lord's timing- when one day is equivalent to years.
I know I'm an emotional wreck a lot, but I just really love Lydia and I want her home with us.
Friday, July 4, 2014
Lydia 8 weeks
Weight: 5lbs 3oz
Breathing: at 1/2 liter per minute at 25-30% oxygen
Milestones: We participated in Lydia's bath for the first time! (the nurses have always done it without us before), Thomas got to feed her a bottle!, Lydia got 34 mls from me which is 77% of her feeding, Lydia is more awake and alert when feeding time comes
Thoughts: The alarm that goes off when a brady happens is my least favorite sound. The other night, it went off 8 times. Only one was a real brady and the rest were just the probe not picking up her heart rate, but it still stressed me out. Every time I hear the sound my heart aches. Lydia has to go 7 days with no bradies before she can come home. Every time that alarm goes off, it means at least another 7 days.
I love the nurses at the hospital, but some times... Lydia had a brady and was bringing her oxygen sats back up. I was holding her and the nurse said she needed to take her to help calm her down. Are you for real? I can rub my baby's back just as well as anyone. I am the mom. I am supposed to be able to calm and comfort my child. It is my duty to my baby girl. When she took Lydia from me it was like she ripped a piece of me away. I understand if Lydia was blue or not breathing, but she looked fine. Her oxygen was a little low, but its nothing we haven't seen before. It is hard to get new nurses that don't know that we know what we are doing. I can't say I am better than them at their job, but I am Lydia's mom. I can take care of her pretty well.
I can't believe it's been 8 weeks. It has been a looong 8 weeks, but I am so proud of Lydia. She has done amazingly well and is progressing so much! I was looking at pictures from her first weeks and it is incredible how much she has changed. She is doing so well all things considering. It is sometimes disheartening to see her struggling with certain things, but I just have to remember how far she has come. She is amazing and such a fighter. We are so blessed to have her.
We had family home evening earlier this week. It was awesome, but something was missing- our daughter. Is it really family home evening if you don't have your whole family? I think we will have part of our FHE at the hospital from now on.
Trials are part of life. I have been through many. It is amazing how you learn something new from each and every one. I am grateful for the trials I have been through. They have made me who I am. They have strengthened my testimony and made me a strong person. They have made me empathetic to others and made it to where I can help others as they suffer through their own trials.
I am so grateful for the Gospel. I love the temple and the peace and comfort that comes from attending it. I am grateful that we are not alone as we pass through this life. I would never be able to make it through this without my amazing husband and my Heavenly Father. The NICU is a sad place. Most parents there look so sad. Since day 1, Thomas and I are usually smiling and happy when visiting the NICU because we know how blessed we are. We have an incredibly cute daughter that we love more than words can express. We know she will be with us for eternity and THAT is amazing. I am so glad that I NEVER have to worry about never seeing my daughter again. The plan of salvation is such a blessing.
This post has kind of been all over the place. Most likely because my mind is all over the place. I could blame it on lack of sleep or stress, but it's just the way I am! I am so grateful for my family. Thomas has referred to the three of us as BFFs- Best family forever!!!
Breathing: at 1/2 liter per minute at 25-30% oxygen
Milestones: We participated in Lydia's bath for the first time! (the nurses have always done it without us before), Thomas got to feed her a bottle!, Lydia got 34 mls from me which is 77% of her feeding, Lydia is more awake and alert when feeding time comes
Thoughts: The alarm that goes off when a brady happens is my least favorite sound. The other night, it went off 8 times. Only one was a real brady and the rest were just the probe not picking up her heart rate, but it still stressed me out. Every time I hear the sound my heart aches. Lydia has to go 7 days with no bradies before she can come home. Every time that alarm goes off, it means at least another 7 days.
I love the nurses at the hospital, but some times... Lydia had a brady and was bringing her oxygen sats back up. I was holding her and the nurse said she needed to take her to help calm her down. Are you for real? I can rub my baby's back just as well as anyone. I am the mom. I am supposed to be able to calm and comfort my child. It is my duty to my baby girl. When she took Lydia from me it was like she ripped a piece of me away. I understand if Lydia was blue or not breathing, but she looked fine. Her oxygen was a little low, but its nothing we haven't seen before. It is hard to get new nurses that don't know that we know what we are doing. I can't say I am better than them at their job, but I am Lydia's mom. I can take care of her pretty well.
I can't believe it's been 8 weeks. It has been a looong 8 weeks, but I am so proud of Lydia. She has done amazingly well and is progressing so much! I was looking at pictures from her first weeks and it is incredible how much she has changed. She is doing so well all things considering. It is sometimes disheartening to see her struggling with certain things, but I just have to remember how far she has come. She is amazing and such a fighter. We are so blessed to have her.
We had family home evening earlier this week. It was awesome, but something was missing- our daughter. Is it really family home evening if you don't have your whole family? I think we will have part of our FHE at the hospital from now on.
Trials are part of life. I have been through many. It is amazing how you learn something new from each and every one. I am grateful for the trials I have been through. They have made me who I am. They have strengthened my testimony and made me a strong person. They have made me empathetic to others and made it to where I can help others as they suffer through their own trials.
I am so grateful for the Gospel. I love the temple and the peace and comfort that comes from attending it. I am grateful that we are not alone as we pass through this life. I would never be able to make it through this without my amazing husband and my Heavenly Father. The NICU is a sad place. Most parents there look so sad. Since day 1, Thomas and I are usually smiling and happy when visiting the NICU because we know how blessed we are. We have an incredibly cute daughter that we love more than words can express. We know she will be with us for eternity and THAT is amazing. I am so glad that I NEVER have to worry about never seeing my daughter again. The plan of salvation is such a blessing.
This post has kind of been all over the place. Most likely because my mind is all over the place. I could blame it on lack of sleep or stress, but it's just the way I am! I am so grateful for my family. Thomas has referred to the three of us as BFFs- Best family forever!!!
Grandmother gave us these booties. They are hanging in our car so we take Lydia with us everywhere we go.
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